I was watching this Youtube video just posted last month – it’s a group of Indian comedians who are doing a skit on rape. It’s a good take-down of all the things people say to rape victims to make it seem like it was their fault, but be careful, it’s fairly dark. Not just in the content, but also in the comments below. Anyone who knows me knows I can’t resist a comment section, so I was browsing what people said.
And it’s not pretty. Sure, there were people defending rape victims and their right to justice, but others comments were filled with blatant victim blaming, down to the point where they said you could actually PROVOKE rape. There were also others who insisted that men were predisposed to get sex by any means possible, and the opposite camp that said the only people who said that were feminists. And then there were the apologists that were arguing about the definition of rape.
I’m getting so sick of this “blurred lines” argument that I can barely stand it. Some like to pretend that having sex with someone falling down drunk, or who doesn’t explicitly say “no” should not qualify as rape. They pretend that since it’s not explicitly violent sex and it doesn’t hurt her physically it’s not a problem. In other words, they don’t understand the nature of CONSENT.
For those who may be a little confused on the matter of consent, here’s the deal: it’s not about whether or not she says “no.”
Shocked? Well, you shouldn’t be. People role-play all the time, saying no in the act, when they are completely fine with it. Safe words are common in these situations, since the word “no” is now part of the expected dialogue. It’s also pretty common for a woman who wants her partner to feel powerful will say the word. The partners are generally aware of this behavior and discuss what this word means in their sex lives.
So, if consent is not about saying “no” when you’re uncomfortable, what is it about? It’s about saying “YES.” Emphatically, enthusiastically, and sanely saying YES. Is she too drunk to say no, but also to say yes? Then if you have sex with her, it’s rape. Is she hesitant in body language, but not saying no? Then it’s rape if you have sex with her. If she is not giving you a sober and happy “YES” she is not consenting, and if you continue, it’s rape.
This line is not blurred. It’s crystal clear. And let us not pretend that the people who want to argue this point are confused by it. They are fully aware that the only reason they want to have sex with drunk girls is precisely BECAUSE they’re drunk and don’t know what they’re doing. They don’t want goading and pressuring someone into laying down and taking it to be thought of as wrong, because they do it all the time. They want to still have legal avenues to make women have sex with them, regardless of if those women really WANT to themselves.
But here’s the thing: THERE IS NO AMBIGUITY. She either wants to have sex with you, or she doesn’t. If she doesn’t, there are a multitude of things she could or could not say. If she DOES want to have sex with you, she WILL let you know with an emphatic yes, and that is what you need to look for. Not the absence of “no”, not a hesitant yes after you’ve “persuaded” her to give you the answer you want. A clear, sober “YES” is the only thing you should act on.
And, as an aside, a woman who is drunk shouldn’t be held responsible for other people’s actions toward her. No, you twit, calling having sex with a drunk woman rape is not like the woman driving drunk and blaming the car. It’s like the woman was driving drunk, hitting someone else walking home from the bar, and trying to blame them for walking at night.
It’s not hard to find the clear and vivid line between consensual sex and rape. I just wish we would all stop pretending we can’t.
entropistanon 